Dating Episodes: Weiss Kreuz
by Murakumo
Summary: Ep. 5: One Hell of a Night: Hell ... Hell gets a special date with Shuldig, and everyone gets their chance to help or ruin, the date.. karaoke, tons of food made by Farfello, Crawford in a sleezely out-fit, and even a fire!!!
1. Ep. 1: Cheap Dates: Yohji

Episode 1: Cheap Dates  
  
*I do not own Weiss Kreuz*  
  
**The crowd in the audience is shakey and is awaiting the start of the Dating Game. The host is backstage getting his make-up on, the 3 contestants are hidden behind the curtain (to the left) , and Yohji is sitting in the chair to the right of the curtain**  
  
Gange: *the host* WELCOME EVERYONE! *smiles, he has that perky smile all hosts do* To another exciting day of Cheap Dates. I'll be your host, Gange, and today's lucky contestant is Yohji. How you feeling Yohji?  
  
Yohji: Great Gagne, I feel like these ladies are getting their moneys worth! *trys to sneak a peak back behind the curtain*  
  
Gange: No looking, so anyhow. How are our lovely ladies, ahem. doing today?  
  
3 contestants: We're doing great Gange!  
  
Gagne: Go ahead and we'll give you some time to ask questions Yohji. And Goodluck! *gives cheesy smile*  
  
Yohji: So contestant number 1.  
  
Contestant Number 1: yes, hi!  
  
Yohji: What's your favorite type of food?  
  
Contestant Number 1: Well I like um.. spicy food.. cause it has a kick to it.  
  
Yohji: Wow, you sound like a winner! Contestant Number 2, hi, how are you?  
  
Contestant Number 2: (in a muffled feminine voice) Um. Yes, hi.  
  
Yohji: Ouuh.. You sound like the shy type. What type of movies do you like?  
  
Contestant Number 2: I like movies that.. um.. have fighting and things that hurt people.  
  
Yohji: Ah, the adventurous type. Haha.  
  
Contestant Number 2: Something like that.  
  
Yohji: Ok, then. Contestant Number 3.  
  
Contestant Number 3: Yes baby!  
  
Yohji: I fight evildoers of the night, what would you do for me when I get home?  
  
Contestant Number 3: (in a sex, seductive voice) I would treat you real nice, and lotion your hard body down..  
  
Yohji: Oh yea, what else?  
  
Contestant Number 3: I would change to something sexy and..  
  
Contestant Number 2: Show you I was a man! (mimics voice so it sounds like its coming from Contestant Number 1)  
  
Contestant Number 3: The hell you would hoe!  
  
Contestant Number 1: Who you calling a hoe? Hoe!  
  
Contestant Number 3: I will kick you!  
  
Contestant Number 1: Just try it you..  
  
Gange: Settle down ladies, we're on live TV.  
  
Yohji: Right, so then, um.. Contestant Number 1.  
  
Contestant Number 1: Damn hoe got me all worked up! (seen adjusting her bra from behind the curtain)  
  
Yohji: Ok, What would you do to please me?  
  
Contestant Number 1: I would sit you down, slowly kiss you, and .  
  
Contestant Number 2: (mimic's it from Contestant Number 3) Try and Kill you!  
  
Contestant Number 1: Screw you!  
  
Contestant Number 3: You aren't screwing me bitch!  
  
Contestant Number 1: Can't have this body!  
  
Contestant Number 3: Damn hoe!  
  
Yohji: *face has turned red* Next. Contestant Number 2, what type of clothing do you wear?  
  
Contestant Number 2: Anything that hurts all good people, which basically means nothing. (ruffled voice)  
  
Yohji: *starts smiling* Any shirts???  
  
Contestant Number 2: I don't prefer shirts. (ruffled voice)  
  
Yohji: WOW! What about pants?  
  
Contestant Number 2: Not if I can help, though I usually just wear my underwear. (Coughs a bunch)  
  
Yohji: I think I have 2 more questions..  
  
Gange: Just enough time for 2 more questions..  
  
Yohji: Good, Contestant Number 3, what type of guy are you into?  
  
Contestant Number 3: Well I'm into..  
  
Contestant Number 2: (interrupts in a male voice) WOMEN!!!! (mimics for Contestant Number 1)  
  
Yohji: Damn-it!!! There goes my first choice.  
  
Contestant Number 1: You going down!!!! *Tackles Contestant Number 3*  
  
Contestant Number 3: Just try me flu-se! *jumps at Contestant Number 1*  
  
Yohji: What about my choices..  
  
Gange: Well make a choice..  
  
Yohji: Judging by these last few answers, I'd say.  
  
Contestant Number 1: LEZBO!  
  
Contestant Number 3: Go to hell you hoe!  
  
Contestant Number 2: Look at them go (says in male voice). I mean.. *coughs* (in female voice) Look at them go.  
  
Yohji: I chose Contestant Number 2!!!!!  
  
Gagne: Smart choice, lets reveal them. Contestant Number 1!!!!!  
  
Contestant Number 1: *busty super-model who's being choked by Contestant Number 3's hands* Heklp.  
  
Yohji: WAIT BABY!!!! DAMN! Who else..  
  
Gagne: Contestant Number 3 come on down!!!  
  
Contestant Number 3: *a fitness instructor who's built well and is hot* DIE!!  
  
Yohji: *starts to cry* Please let this one be a winner.  
  
Gange: Lets reveal Contestant Number 2.  
  
Contestant Number 2: *steps out from the shadows of the curtain* HI YOHJI!  
  
Yohji: FARFELLO!!! NOOOOO!!!!  
  
Farfello: I won! YAY! This must hurt god!  
  
Yohji: *is crying* Why me??? Wait ladies come back!!!  
  
Farfello: *is swinging from the set* WWEEEE!!!  
  
Gange: I hope you enjoyed today on.  
  
Farfello: *jumps on Gange and begins jumping on him* WWEEEE! I WON! I wonder what I'm going to wear on my date with Yohji?  
  
Yohji: AAAHHH!! *jumps into the brawl between Contestant Number 1 & 3* WAIT FOR ME LADIES!!!  
  
**set falls and audience is all over the place running, pulling chairs out, and other reckless things**  
  
****NEXT EPISODE: KEN'S BLIND DATE**** Author Note: Not for the faint of heart, lol 


	2. Ep. 2: Ken's Blind Date: Ken Hidaka

Episode 2 Ken's Blind Date ***I DON'T OWN WEISS KREUZ***  
  
** The setting is plush seats around a table. The usual background setting is hung high in the back. There is a large screen on the monitor, and the host is backstage. Ken is waiting in the wing, as the rest of Weiss is sitting in the audience, along with Schrient, and Schwarz**  
  
The host is back stage fixing up his hair. His hairdresser flops out a bunch of gel and is fixing his hair. The sudden shout that he's on in 10 seconds startles him. He runs on stage and fixes everything just in time for the guy behind the camera to say "your on!"  
  
Barry Milton: Hi folks! I'm Barry Milton, how is everyone doing?"  
  
Crowd: *grumbles*  
  
Barry Milton: *smiles with his shiny white teeth* Great! Isn't this wonderful. Today we have on our special show, Ken Hidaka, who will go on 3 blind dates, and we'll follow his every move!!!!  
  
Ken: I'll be doing what??  
  
Barry Milton: That's perfect, come on out and meet Ken Hidaka!!!  
  
Ken: *stumbles out after being pushed by a producer, who smiles and gives him a thumbs up* Um.... Hi!?  
  
Crowd: *goes wild, and begins shouting, "Ken-Ken". Weiss is bouncing around holding signs up with "Go Ken!" written on them. Farfello has a sign that reads, "Hurt God!", Schuldig has a sign reading, "Don't screw up!", Crawford's sign, "Don't let Schuldig screw this up!". Schrient is all laid out and is holding up feminist signs. Nagi is holding a sign, "Don't make me screw this up!"  
  
Barry Milton: Take a seat Ken! *Continues to smile with his pearly whites*  
  
Ken: *takes a seat* Why do you smile so much?  
  
Barry Milton: Cause I'm the host!!!!! *Gives threatening look at Ken*  
  
Ken: *backs away* OH..  
  
Barry Milton: Lets have him go on his first blind date!!!!!!  
  
Crowd: *cheers* KICK SOME ASS KEN!!!  
  
Ken: Um. Yea. WAIT where are you taking me. Let go of me. *gets grabbed in a brown sac by a man off stage*  
  
Barry Milton: Everyone, watch the screen!  
  
**Screen shows Ken being dragged in a brown sac, and dumped on an aircraft carrier area. Guards are patrolling the area, with earpieces and guns, all around Ken. They all work for the show. **  
  
Barry Milton: Lets introduce him to his 1st date!!!! *Pushes button on remote*  
  
**A woman walks out**  
  
Manx: What the hell are you doing here???  
  
Ken: *turning red, and his eyes are bulging* I'm here for my date.  
  
Manx: So I was told to meet someone hear for a date.  
  
Ken: You're my date???? Hot damn! I scored!!!!  
  
Manx: Not exactly.  
  
Ken: What do you mean, not exactly???  
  
Manx: Well, uh, this is what I mean. *Walks out with TV set on shoulder. Persia appears on it*  
  
Persia: YOU'RE MY DATE??? *Shocked expression of him on screen*  
  
Ken: Damn-it!!! Hell.  
  
Hell: *sitting in the audience* If he says anything about me, I'm chopping off his..  
  
Barry Milton: Well, their date is going up in the air, on a plane.  
  
Schwarz, rest of Weiss, and Schrient: *all laughing their butts off* Hahahaha..  
  
Ken: *hand to head* Why me?!  
  
**Manx, Persia, and Ken all go up on a large plane, and are flying 1000's of feet in the air**  
  
Ken: Please let this end..  
  
Manx: What do we do now?  
  
Persia: Shoot me?  
  
Barry Milton: Well folks, it looks like this date could use a little spicing up!!!! *Pulls out remote, and pushes some buttons*  
  
**Area where Manx and Persia are sitting falls out from under them, and they go flying down to the ground**  
  
Barry Milton: Dang-it! I thought it was set Ken. ah well.. ratings are ratings.  
  
Crowd: OOOOOoohhhhhhhh..  
  
Ken: o_O  
  
Manx: @_@  
  
Persia: SAVE ME!!!  
  
Ken: *jumps out through the hole* I'm coming!!!  
  
Barry Milton: Great, out star is going to kill himself. *speaks into earpeice* JUMP!!  
  
Guards on Plane: I don't get paid enough. *they all jump off* Wait, we all forgot parachutes.  
  
BBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!! ~There's a giant explosion, and when the dust clears it reveals Ken dusting himself off, and guards falling from the sky, hitting the ground~  
  
Tot: *eating popcorn* This show sucks! Change the channel!  
  
Ken: Thank goodness I'm ok! This sucks..  
  
Barry Milton: Where's your date?  
  
Manx: Help me.  
  
Persia: *_*.X_X..  
  
Ken: I landed on my date. Crap, there out-cold. This sucks; this blind- dating thing doesn't seem to be working out too well.  
  
Barry Milton: Don't worry, I'm sure your next blind date will be better. *starts laughing* HAHAHAHA.  
  
Crowd: You know we can hear you!!!  
  
Ken: So can I!!!  
  
Barry Milton: Uuuuhhh. *whispers in earpiece* Mrfggmm.. Take him out.  
  
**2 guards shown near Ken on screen**  
  
2 Guards: Hi.  
  
Ken: Um. Hi, what do you guys want?  
  
2 Guards: *shock Ken, knocks him out cold, they shove him in a brown sac* Job well done. Next we have to drop him off in.  
  
Barry Milton: Well folks, his next mind date will be even better.  
  
**Screen changes to a dinner place, fancy. Butlers and Waiters are storming in and out of the kitchen. There's candle light area near the corner table**  
  
Barry Milton: He'll love this next girl, her name's Ginger; she just broke up with her boyfriend Jerry. There she is!!!  
  
**Screen shows Ken being dumped on the table, with foam coming from his mouth. Ginger is shown, long legged, brown haired woman. She is wearing skimpy clothes, and is sitting cross-legged on in her chair**  
  
Ken: Wow what.  
  
Ginger: *stands up and makes out with Ken, who faints* Hehe., guess I just have that charm.  
  
Ken: O_O wow, what a woman!! So, what do you do for a living?  
  
Ginger: *changes her legs, by un-crossing, and then re-crossing them* Well, I'm a stripper at Beck's Legs. They're always open.  
  
Ken: *^_^* WOW!  
  
Ginger: Yep, I'm usually on at 5 p.m. or so.. What do you do?  
  
Ken: Well I'm part of an elite force, we're Weiss Kreuz, hunters of the knight.  
  
Ginger: Ah, never heard of yah. *Twirls gum on finger*  
  
Ken: Besides that, I work as a florist.  
  
Ginger: You're a florist?????  
  
Ken: Yep! *Smiles*  
  
Ginger: Aren't male florist all.. you know..  
  
Ken: No I don't know, never mind..  
  
**Big man comes storming through the tables, and stands tall behind Ken**  
  
Ginger: Bubba, get the hell outta here, ya hear me!!!  
  
Bubba: But baby, I want you back!  
  
Ken: *stands up* Well I'm Keeeennnnn. *looks up to see Bubba, and notices how big he is*  
  
Ginger: *jumps on Ken* Come on baby! You're the only one for me!!! Not like Bubba, who didn't appreciate my skills..  
  
Ken: You're a Stripper!!!  
  
Ginger: So what, you're a damned florist.  
  
Ken: Well, I uh.  
  
Bubba: Come on baby, take me back.  
  
Ginger: *starts kissing Ken* There's only one man for me..  
  
Bubba: Oh hell no, you just kiss my girl?  
  
Ken: Um.. yes?  
  
Bubba: Let me take care of this bastard Ginger.. Then you and me, gonna get it on.  
  
Ginger: Oh, I like it when you talk sexy.  
  
Ken: O_o Help.  
  
**Screen shows Ken getting pumbled by Bubba, and Ginger cheering him on**  
  
Ginger: Kick him!!!  
  
Ken: Mrffd. my head.  
  
Bubba: Come back here I tain't done wit you.  
  
Ken: SAVE ME!!!!! *Runs out of the restaurant*  
  
Ginger: You rock my world, baby!  
  
Bubba: *picks up Ginger and walks off* Time for Bubba to do his thang.  
  
**Screen fuzzes out**  
  
Barry Milton: Haha. So he's been unlucky so far, we're sure, he'll love his next date.  
  
Tot: *throwing popcorn at the screen* Change the channel!!!  
  
Barry Milton: We can't miss.  
  
Weiss: Hahaha.. go Ken.  
  
Schoen: *really getting into it* I wonder what his next date will be.  
  
Crawford: Ten bucks says it's a man.  
  
Schuldig: I wouldn't take that bet, but.. Ten bucks says its s deformed woman.  
  
Farfello: Ten bucks says its now a female hooker, but used to be a man..  
  
Schuldig and Crawford: DEAL!  
  
Barry Milton: His last date is Mindy, a gentle person who is often lonely, but she has a cat, fluffy, to keep her busy.  
  
**Screen shows Ken being kidnapped and dragged in a brown sac to someone's house, that is broken down and is filled with tons of cats**  
  
Mindy: You must be Ken. Meow!  
  
Ken: Um.. Where am I?  
  
Mindy: *dressed as a cat, and is in her late 80's* I'm Mindy..  
  
Ken: I think there;s some mistake.  
  
Mindy: *carrying champagne* There's no mistake, hot stuff..  
  
Ken: Um.. I'm florist, you don't want a guy like me..  
  
Mindy: *changes to a deep male voice* No worries, I enjoy males like that.. Cause I used to be one..  
  
Ken: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!  
  
Mindy: Come and join me and the cats , GGggrrrr.  
  
Ken: AAAAHHHHH CRAP!  
  
Mindy: What?  
  
Ken: I left my car keys in the car.  
  
Mindy: Did, I mention I'm a hooker.?  
  
Ken: GOD SAVe. me..  
  
Farfello: He can't cause I gambled and one!! Go Mindy! *collects ten bucks from both Schuldig and Crawford, who are both frowning*  
  
Ken: *Runs out of the house cursing* Wait, I have an idea!!! *runs off the screen*  
  
Mindy: *steps out of the house* Darn it, lost another one.. Guess its just you and me fluffy.  
  
Fluffy: Meow. *jumps on a fence, and runs away*  
  
Mindy: Damn, all the good ones get away..  
  
Barry Milton: Well it looks like Ken didn't have such.'  
  
Ken: *is now back on stage* I'm back. Weiss, Schrient, Schwarz, come help me with this.  
  
..................................  
  
**Screen gets back into picture. Shows Weiss, Schrient, and Schwarz all helping with a large brown bag at Mindy's house. They toss the brown bag in the house and all run back to the studio**  
  
Ken: Much better, now who's up for a date?  
  
Weiss: Not a CHANCE!!  
  
Schrient: Quiet, its back on.  
  
Ken: Now, lets check in on our fellow host, Barry, how's it going down there Barry??  
  
Barry Milton: HELP ME!! SOMEONE SAVE me,fffd.  
  
**Screen shows the inside of the house with Barry tied up, and in Mindy's room. Mindy is sitting with her cats, laughing**  
  
Mindy: I love this show..  
  
Barry: Goithf.  
  
**Cats crowd around Barry**  
  
Barry: Oh hell.  
  
Mindy: I love this show.  
  
Crowd: Ahaahahah.  
  
Tot: *eating popcorn* finally it got good..  
  
**Everyone is crowding around the screen, watching and laughing. The producer is banging his head against a board backstage, saying, "I'm ruined.."**  
  
...................................  
  
Next episode: Episode 3: Brad Baby's Dating Wheel  
  
**Author's Note: I hope you enjoy this one, there's plenty more to come.. talk to me sometimes, and maybe we'll discuss dating, lol** 


	3. Ep. 3: Brad Baby's Dating Wheel: Brad C...

Brad Baby's Dating Wheel : Brad Crawford *** I Do not own Weiss, only my characters ***  
  
***Weiss, Schwarz, and Schrient are all sitting around enjoying the day, where Crawford appears depressed***  
  
Ken: What's wrong Brad Baby?  
  
Crawford: I'm too depressed to even shoot you...  
  
Omi: Aaaaaawwwwww..  
  
Farfello: I have an idea!!! ^_^  
  
Yohji: You do?  
  
Farfello: Not really..  
  
Aya: Figures..  
  
Nagi: What figures?  
  
Crawford: I got rejected off another dating show..  
  
Hell: Maybe you weren't meant to date..  
  
Schuldig: Women..  
  
Crawford: You bastard!!!  
  
Tot: Hahaha.. *^_^*  
  
Schoen: No wait, I have an idea..  
  
Neu: Yea, there's this great dating show..  
  
Schoen: Where everyone gets a chance..  
  
Neu: To date plenty of people...  
  
Schoen: And nobody gets rejected...  
  
Crawford: I'm tired of dating..  
  
Tot: Come on Craw...ford..  
  
Nagi: Yea, take on for the team!!  
  
Farfello: Dating is fun!!!  
  
Yohji: Shut-up!!!  
  
Ken: It can't that bad, can it?  
  
***The stage is layed out in a massive studio. There Crawford is shown backstage. On a screen is a picture of a nice resturant. The 2 hosts, May and Fay, both women, are standing up in front a large audience***  
  
May: I'm May!  
  
Fay: And I'm Fay!!!  
  
May: Yea!!!  
  
Crowd: WWWWWWWWHHHHHHOOOOOOOOO-HHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOO!!!  
  
May: Welcome to the Dating Wheel show!!  
  
Fay: Where everyone gets a chance...  
  
May: To go on a date...  
  
Fay: With one lucky person...  
  
May: Plenty of dates...  
  
Fay: To chose from for our lucky...  
  
May: Man of the hour..  
  
Fay: Who goes by the name...  
  
May: Of Brad Crawford...  
  
Fay: Lets Bring him out..  
  
May: Come on down..  
  
Fay: Brad Baby...  
  
Crawford: **is backstage not wanting to go out** I don't know..  
  
Remainder of Schwarz, Weiss, & Schrient: YOU CAN DO IT BRAD!!!!  
  
Crawford: *walks out with a smile and struts his stuff* ^_^ !!!!  
  
Fay: Tell us about yourself..  
  
May: You sweet man...  
  
Fay: We're dying to know..  
  
May: How you built up that can..  
  
Crawford: *blushes* I um.. Uh..  
  
May: How old are you?  
  
Crawford: Well I'm..  
  
Fay: What do you do..?  
  
Crawford: Well I work as....  
  
May: Have you ever been on t.v.?  
  
Crawford: But you didn't let me..  
  
Fay: Is it true you can see small patches of the future.?  
  
Crawford: Finish my last sentence..  
  
May: Isn't he sweet folks!!!  
  
Crowd: GO BRAD BABY!!!  
  
Schoen: *think's she's on a different type of show* Take it off!!!  
  
Fay: Thats the spirit!  
  
May: YEA! Let's get him out there!!  
  
***Crawford is led to the middle of the resturant. He's now on screen as the audience cheers him on. The line of dates is hidden off the camera***  
  
May: We had to make a very accurate selection for the dating process based on his answers to the questionaire....  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
**Flashback to Fay, May, and a man by the computer & Shredder**  
  
Man: So, lets see.. his sheet is.. CRAP!!!  
  
***Shredder eats the paper***  
  
Fay: Umm... let's um.. just find some dates...  
  
May: Um.. Good idea.. *slowly back away from the room*  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
May: We also took some time to find the perfect dates to match him.  
  
Fay: From around the world, and many places, the women rushed in once we told them who it was..  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
**Flashback to Fay and May interviewing people**  
  
Hobo: Who?  
  
Fay: Ummm.. Crawford  
  
May: Brad Crawford..  
  
Hobo: I don't think so...  
  
Fay: $50 bucks?  
  
Hobo: It's a deal!  
  
***Next scene shows Fay and May sticking head out the backstage door***  
  
Fay: Quick we need..  
  
May: Contestants now..  
  
Fay: Um, you four, how would you like to be on a show?  
  
Old woman: Umm.. suree...  
  
Yohji: I'm no paying you 50 bucks for that one night...  
  
May: You in?  
  
Yohji: Umm.. gotta go, bye!!!! *Runs off camera*  
  
Fay: How bout you?  
  
Hooker #1: Sure, but I don't like the men....  
  
Fay: Why noy??  
  
Hooker #1: Fine..  
  
Hooker #2: I'm in, just let me put my boobs back in place, and we'll go...  
  
***Hooker #1 and #2 both fix themselves and the old woman follow Fay and May***  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Fay: Yep, hard selection..  
  
May: Anyhow, our dear Brad, will have 60 seconds with each date...  
  
Fay: A total of 30 dates..  
  
May: 30 minutes of heavan...  
  
Fay: With strangers...  
  
May: And one hot Oracle...  
  
Fay: Brad Baby, it's time for...  
  
May: Brad Baby's Dating Wheel!!!!  
  
Crowd: YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!  
  
Schoen: Where's all the strippers?  
  
Nagi: What are jabbing about?  
  
Schoen: Isn't this Jerry Springer?  
  
Aya: Nope, this is the dating wheel show..  
  
Tot: Want some popcorn?  
  
Hell: Where'd you get popcorn?  
  
Neu: In a show like this?  
  
Tot: Um.. I don't know?!  
  
***Crawford is sitting down with his first beauiful date***  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Date #1~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Crawford: So, tell me about yourself..  
  
Mitsy: Well... I like kids... especially the little babies..  
  
Crawford: So you want a bunch of kids? Isn't that painful?  
  
Mitsy: Not for me, I'm not having the kids...  
  
Crawford: Then who is?  
  
Mitsy: Think silly.. ^_^  
  
Crawford: @_@  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Date #2~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Crawford: I work for a secretive attack force, we also protect people..  
  
Blonde #1: Uh huh... Yea.. so... can I ask you a question?  
  
Crawford: Sure..  
  
Blonde #1: Is it true you work with Farfello?  
  
Crawford: Yea...  
  
Blonde #1: Farfie's so cute.. What's he like in person?  
  
Crawford: *hand to head* Damn Farfello..  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Date #3~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Crawford: We battle Weiss...  
  
Hart: O_O  
  
Crawford: What did I say???  
  
Hart: *runs from the table screaming profanities*  
  
Crawford: She must have been scared of my good looks..  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Date #4~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Red-head #1: So, your a part of Schwarz?  
  
Crawford: Hell yea...  
  
Red-head #1: Um.. Is Farfie as good looking as it seems?  
  
Crawford: NO!!! He's a bastard!!  
  
Red-head #1: UUUUHhhhh.. Your jealous!!!!  
  
Crawford: NO I'M NOT!!!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Date #5~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Fan-girl #1: You work with Nagi-kins?  
  
Crawford: Yea, why?  
  
Fan-girl #1: Is he seeing anyone???  
  
Crawford: I um.. I don't know..  
  
Fan-girl #1: *runs off* YAY! You'll be mine soon Nagi-kins!!!  
  
Nagi: ^_^ *turns red*  
  
Omi: Your popular..  
  
Crawford: Damn Nagi...  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Date #6~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Crawford: I once killed two people! *^_^*  
  
Hooker #1: I don't work well with men..  
  
Crawford: Why is that?  
  
Hooker #1: Cause I used to be one....  
  
Crawford: o_O  
  
Hooker #1: *walks off* I have to find Yohji, that ass owes me 50 bucks..  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Date #7~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Crawford: So, how come you have so many rings on your fingers?  
  
T-Jones: Cause being a woman like me, we need to stand out..  
  
Crawford: What's with the golden teeth and the golden cane?  
  
T-Jones: For my ho's...  
  
Crawford: Your a...  
  
T-Jones: Pimp, Damn right. You seen my hookers anywhere?  
  
Crawford: O_o  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Date #8~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Crawford: Wow! -O_O-  
  
Hooker #2: What?  
  
Crawford: Your the most beautiful date i've seen...  
  
Hooker #2: Thanks.. ^_^  
  
Crawford: Want to take a ride in my car?  
  
Hooker #2: Sure..  
  
Crawford: Finally, I think your the...  
  
Hooker #2: *Strips off suit, and shown in hooker out-fit* Ready..  
  
Crawford: O_o ..... o_O  
  
Hooker #2: Cost you $50 there, and $50 when we get done..  
  
Crawford: *runs back in to the resturant screaming swear words*  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Date #9~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Crawford: Haven't I seen you before?  
  
Mindy: Meow big boy...  
  
Crawford: Your like 80!!!  
  
Mindy: ^_^ Remember Ken-ken's dating show fling?  
  
Crawford: Yea...  
  
Mindy: I have a cat named fluffy...  
  
Crawford: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!  
  
Mindy: Meow!!!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Date #10~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Crawford: So, what do you do for a living?  
  
Maniac: I uh.. too much pressure.. AHAAHAHH!!! Need more drugs..  
  
Crawford: ...... @_@  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Date #11~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Crawford: So, you a fan of Schwarz?  
  
Blonde #2: Yea a big fan!!!  
  
Crawford: ^_^ so who's your favorite member?  
  
Blonde #2: Farfello!!! FARFIE IS SO CUTE!!! I LOVE HOW HE HURTS GOD!!  
  
Crawford: @_@ Damn you Farfello...  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Date #12~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Crawford: How's it going?  
  
Persia on a t.v. screen: Food's kinda cold..  
  
Crawford: Um, so.. how long you been in the business?  
  
Persia: Want to come back to my place?  
  
Crawford: @_@  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Date #13~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Crawford: How you doing good looking?  
  
Manx: Where's Persia?  
  
Crawford: So, what are you doing later?  
  
Manx: Where's Persia?  
  
Crawford: So, how's about we go and get it on..?  
  
Manx: *slaps Crawford and walks out*  
  
Crawford: x_X  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Date #14~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Crawford: What's it like as a hobo?  
  
Hobo Bob: Well, I once ate 3 Onion Sandwhichs, but hey, I tell yah, I couldn't eat any more., Hahaha..  
  
Crawford: *loads gun* Hahah.. yea..  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Date #15~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Crawford: How old are you?  
  
Old Lady: Old enough...  
  
Crawford: Old enough for what?  
  
Old Lady: *takes out teeth and winks at him* O_- I can show you tricks that even Houndini couldn't solve...  
  
Crawford: @_@  
  
Old Lady: *crosses legs* Mghphm... *winks at him*  
  
Crawford: X_x  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Date #16~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Crawford: So.. what's it like to be...  
  
Fay: A Host? Well it's an interesting experience.... *waves to the camera* Hi May!  
  
Crawford: @_@  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Date #17~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
May: So, how's the dating going?  
  
Crawford: These aren't the best dates you could find!!!!  
  
May: Sounds lie someone's got..  
  
Crawford: Don't even say it...  
  
May: *waves at camera* Hi Fay!!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Date #18~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Crawford: What the hell are you doing here?  
  
Farfello: They said i'd get to date a sweet heart!!  
  
Crawford: @_@ I'm your sweet heart????  
  
Farfello: *picks up knives and starts licking them* *^_^* hurt god..  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Date #19~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Crawford: What the hell are you doing here???  
  
Yohji: Running from some hookers and their pimp.. you?  
  
Crawford: ON A DATING SHOW!!!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Date #20~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Crawford: So, how's the woman fighting business going?  
  
Hell: Um.. good...  
  
Crawford: How's the Masafumi thing going?  
  
Hell: He's dead..  
  
Crawford: Ooohhh.. yea.. right..  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Date #21~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Crawford's Mom: Hi Brad!  
  
Crawford: MOM??  
  
Crawford's Mom: Just making sure all is alright..  
  
Crawford: *_* Mom, your embarassing me..  
  
Craford's Mom: Remember to visit more often! Your father's been worried for years..  
  
Crawford: Really?  
  
Crawford's Mom: No, actually he's passed out in the car, and I went here for a drink of water..  
  
Crawford: @_@  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Date #22~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Mindy: Meow...  
  
Crawford: Get out of here....  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Date #23~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Yohji: You seen that pimp here??  
  
Crawford: NO, I have not!!!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Date #24~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
T-Jones: You seen that Yohji fellow?  
  
Crawford: @_@ He went that way... kill him for me..  
  
T-Jones: *gold chains jingle* Will do, Daddy oh!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Date #25~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Crawford: What's it like as a cold-blooded individual?  
  
Lizard: .............  
  
Crawford: Don't get out much do yah?  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Date #26~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Crawford: Finally a real date...  
  
Betsy: You bet your whistle I am ...  
  
Crawford: so, have you considered settling down with someone ???  
  
Betsy: Well pah and mah said I had to marry my brother, but then my sister married my pah.. so mah's sis Jane is really my sis, but my mah's sis is still my aunt..  
  
Crawford: -@_@-...  
  
Betsy: Did your parents not want tah hafta pay for 1 weding either?  
  
Crawford: How many sibbling do you have?  
  
Betsy: Bout 344...  
  
Crawford: X_x  
  
Betsy: That's just for the week...  
  
Crawford: x_X  
  
Betsy: Not including weekends...  
  
Crawford: X_X  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Date #27~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Crawford: What's your name?  
  
Fan-girl #2: Can you hook me up with Farfie?? He' so cute...  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Date #28~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Old-Lady: *pulls out teeth* Pucker up...  
  
Crawford: *faints*  
  
Old-Lady: I have that effect on people ^_^..  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Date #29~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Crawford: Where the hell are my last two dates??????  
  
Scary Woman #1: Wait up...  
  
Scary Woman #2: We're here...  
  
Crawford: *runs out of the restaurant* I QUIT DATING!!!!!!!  
  
Scary Woman #1: Who was that?  
  
Scary woman #2: I don't know..  
  
Model #1: Where's Crawford?  
  
Model #2: I've always wanted to meet him..  
  
Model #1: Oh well..  
  
Model #2: Wait, isn't that him?  
  
Model #1: Its him, I think..  
  
Model #2: Are you Crawford??  
  
Farfello: *licking knives* Um.. does it hurt god?  
  
Model #1: *hooks arms with Farfello* Wow, he's cute..  
  
Model #2: *hooks the other arm with Farfello* Yea, maybe we'll all go in the hot-tub!  
  
Farfello: *drops knives* *^_^*  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Fay: Well it seems like all worked out in the end..  
  
May: GOOD EVENING!!!  
  
Fay: AND GOOD NIGHT!!!  
  
***May and Fay kiss, as Yohji runs from T-Jones, and the two Hookers. Ken is seen in the audience running from Mindy who had finally caught up with him***  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Next: Tot's Perfect Date  
  
**Author's Note: The Series can only get better ^_^.. Read and Review!!! I LUV TO HEAR YOUR REVIEWS!!! Or if you get bored, e-mail me and we can hook up?! No old ladies...MEow....** 


	4. Ep. 4: Tot's Perfect Date: Tot

Tot's Perfect Date ***I do not own Weiss Kreuz***  
  
***Everyone is at their big home, all together. Schrient is currently downstairs in the living room with a video cam-corder, some lights, a make- up station, pod (holds up video camera), and a regular living room lay-out (furniture, desk, fireplace, etc.)***  
  
Tot: Are you sure this is going to work out all right?  
  
Hell: What's the worst that could happen?  
  
Neu: Come on, atleast think on the bright side...  
  
Tot: And that is?  
  
Schoen: Farfello can't possibly screw this up!!  
  
Schrient: Hahaha...  
  
Tot: So how's this going to work?  
  
Yohji: Whatcha guys doing?  
  
Ken: What's with all the lights?  
  
Aya: And all the make-up?!  
  
Yohji: You don't have to get all dressed up for me.. ^_^  
  
Tot: ITS NOT FOR YOU!!!  
  
Aya: O_O Farfello?  
  
Hell: Hell no!!!  
  
Schoen: We convinced Tot to do one of those dating videos..  
  
Tot: Yea...  
  
Ken: You mean the one's where you make a video describing what you look for in a man or woman, and you get set up on the perfect date??  
  
Tot: *twirls umbrella* Yep!  
  
Yohji: Goodluck!  
  
Hell: She's going to be fine with use helping her...  
  
Schoen: Yep nothing could go wrong..  
  
Neu: You almost ready Tot?  
  
Tot: *still twirling umbrella* I'm going to be a star...  
  
Yohji: You know I like making movies.. ^_^  
  
Hell: Don't even start...  
  
Ken: What type of movies?  
  
Yohji: I'm glad that you asked...well.. ^_^  
  
Schoen: *slaps Yohji* I don't want to hear about your sick movies..  
  
Yohji: *_* *giant red mark on his right cheek*  
  
Neu: Much better...  
  
Ken: Remind me to never ask that again..  
  
Tot: I look so beautiful... *^_^* *powdering nose*  
  
Aya: Mind if we watch?  
  
Hell: Go ahead...  
  
Omi: What smells??  
  
Nagi: Eeooouuu.. Smells like Yohji's going on another date..  
  
Omi: Another failed Date.. ^_^  
  
Yohji: *_* Bite me..  
  
Nagi: Looks like someone got slapped...  
  
Omi: Hehe..  
  
Nagi: What's with the mess?  
  
Hell: Tot's doing one of those dating videos.  
  
Omi: Can we help?  
  
Nagi: YAY! We get to help..  
  
Neu: Sure, you can take care of the lights..  
  
Omi: Yay!  
  
Nagi: We're going to make a video..  
  
Yohji: You know I once made a..  
  
Hell: Ha-yah! *Trys to slap Yohji*  
  
Yohji: *ducks* HA! You missed!  
  
Schoen: Take this!! *Knocks Yohji up-side the head*  
  
Yohji: o_X ... *has a bump on his forehead, now red*  
  
Schuldig: What smells?  
  
Crawford: I think Yohji's going on another date..  
  
Schuldig: ^_^ No wonder they all run..  
  
Crawford: And seem to all turn gay...  
  
Yohji: That's not funny!!  
  
Schuldig: Looks like someone got slapped...  
  
Crawford: Aww.. poor Yohji gets abused..  
  
Aya: *helping Tot with make-up* Quiet, we're going to make a video..  
  
Yohji: Yea!!  
  
Hell: *turns to look at Yohji and raises hand* Shut-up already!!  
  
Yohji: *_* yep mam...  
  
Omi: Like a dog..  
  
Nagi: A trained dog..  
  
Schuldig: What for?  
  
Neu: For one of those Dating Videos..  
  
Crawford: *slicks back hair* Cool, can I help?  
  
Schuldig: Me to!!  
  
Schoen: Sure, Crawford you adjust the scene...  
  
Schuldig: And me?  
  
Tot: You can take care of look-out duty..  
  
Aya: Look-out duty?  
  
Ken: For?!  
  
Hell: For Farfello!!!  
  
Everyone: OOOOOOHHHHHHHH....  
  
Ken: *setting up the pod and camera* Almost done..  
  
Tot: ^_^ *striking poses* I'm ready...  
  
Aya: All set with make-up!  
  
Yohji: All set with staying out of the way!  
  
Schuldig: No Farfello..  
  
Crawford: Furniture all done..  
  
Omi: Lights are all..  
  
Nagi: Perfect and set...  
  
Hell: All's working..  
  
Neu: For this great...  
  
Schoen: Production!!  
  
Farfello: Hi!!! ^_^  
  
Schuldig: AH!  
  
Crawford: UM.. Farfello... hi..  
  
Ken: Why don't you..  
  
Tot: Get the hell out of my video..  
  
Farfello: Video???  
  
Hell: Damn it!!  
  
Farfello: Damn it?  
  
Neu: Will someone shut him up!!!  
  
Yohji: I will..  
  
Farfello: ^_^ Smells like Yohji's on a date...  
  
Yohji: Go to hell...  
  
Omi: ...O beautifull...  
  
Nagi: That would be me *^_^*  
  
Tot: Shut-up!!!  
  
Yohji: Yes, we need to get in, I mean.. watch Tot's video..  
  
Farfello: Can I help?  
  
Everyone but Farfello: NNNNOOOOOOOO!!!  
  
Crawford: *pushed glasses up* I have an idea..  
  
Aya: What is it?  
  
Yohji: Please let it not involve..  
  
Farfello: Yohji getting slapped!!  
  
Nagi: You look good in that out...  
  
Omi: *put on a blonde wig* Hehe..  
  
Tot: Lets start...  
  
Schuldig: Crawford!!!  
  
Crawford: Farfello, you can help, but not saying a word, in fact you can do sign langauge...  
  
Everyone but Crawford and Farfello: HE CAN DO WHAT???  
  
Schuldig: Rather ingenious..  
  
Crawford: What would you do without me?  
  
Hell: Probably replace you with a monkey..  
  
Crawford: A monkey?!  
  
Omi: I think red hair is better...  
  
Nagi: Your right.. *puts on red-haired wig*  
  
Ken: Not just any monkey...  
  
Aya: A monkey that would be wearing a suit..  
  
Yohji: With glasses...  
  
Tot: Hehe..  
  
Neu: People, the camera!!!  
  
Hell: Well it can't be that bad...  
  
Schoen: It's been recording this entire thing!!!  
  
Schuldig: I hear it adds 50 pounds..  
  
Crawford: MAYBE FOR A MONKEY!!!  
  
Farfello: *doing hand signal in the background* Hehe...  
  
Tot: We'll just start now..  
  
Nagi: I think I prefer the blond, red heds are stupid..  
  
Aya: I resent that!!!  
  
Yohji: Haha..  
  
Ken: Shut-up monkey butt!!  
  
Crawford: Why don't you all just..  
  
Hell: turn the camera off!!!!  
  
Neu: We can start right now, everyone shut-up!!!  
  
Omi: *grabs a dress* I wonder...  
  
Farfello: *doing the wave in the background* WWWWWWEEEEEEeeeee....  
  
Schoen: Well, the lady who's looking for a man is Tot..  
  
Hell: Isn't she beautiful..  
  
Schuldig: Unlike a monkey..  
  
Tot: SHUT-up!!!  
  
Everyone but Tot: O_O  
  
Tot: *takes a seat* Now, I'm Tot. I'm looking for a sensative...  
  
Schuldig: Monkey!!!  
  
Crawford: You'll die for that!! *Pulls out gun*  
  
Hell: No monkey jokes...  
  
Crawford: Yes, thank you..  
  
Hell: More like someone like a lizard..  
  
Omi: *wearing a blue dress* Do I look fat in this?  
  
Nagi: *drops the light* *wearing a night-gown* I look pretty...  
  
Yohji: You too are sick..  
  
Hell: *backhands Yohji* Shut-up!! Your ruining this..  
  
Tot: Someone who has..  
  
Ken: Glasses...  
  
Neu: Wait, what??  
  
Schoen: Glasses?  
  
Schuldig: A monkey with glasses!!  
  
Yohji: *now has a red mark on both cheeks* Ugh... x_X  
  
Aya: I wonder.. *starts putting make-up on Yohji*  
  
Farfello: *doing a weird dance* Lala...la...lala..la..la..  
  
Neu: What is that?  
  
Farfello: Sign Langauge?!  
  
Schoen: That's not it..  
  
Hell: Great if he's deaf, he won't know what the hell is going on...  
  
Ken: Hehe.. look at Yohji..  
  
Schuldig: Plus he has to be able to scratch his own butt!!  
  
Crawford: Ugh, your sick..  
  
Schuldig: You can't scratch your own butt... ^_^  
  
Crawford: Can too!!!  
  
Nagi: *has fake-breasts on* Ouuuhh.. lala...  
  
Omi: *wearing women's panties on his head* Hehe.. I am captain..  
  
Schuldig: You can't scratch your butt..  
  
Crawford: I can too!!!!  
  
Schuldig: Liar!!!  
  
Ken: Hehe.. Yohji..  
  
Yohji: *begining to look like a woman with face-make-up* X_x....  
  
Aya: A little of this..  
  
Ken: Hehe..  
  
Tot: He has to be sensitive..  
  
Hell: And he has to be able to not talk back!!!  
  
Schoen: Plus he's an animal in the sack..  
  
Tot: *^_^* Hehe..  
  
Neu: Gggrr...  
  
Hell: Hahaha..  
  
Yohji: *now getting his nails done* x_x...  
  
Aya: I think a little of more green here.. and..  
  
Farfello: *On a pogo stick, accidently mooning the camera* lala..la.la...lala...  
  
Omi: I don't think C-cup fits me...  
  
Nagi: *holding large fake breasts* How bout these...  
  
Omi: I like them apples...  
  
Nagi: ^_^ Hehe.. apples...  
  
Crawford: I can too!!!  
  
Schuldig: Can not, your joking..  
  
Crawford: -^_^- I can tooo!!!  
  
Schuldig: Prove it!!  
  
Crawford: Not a chance..  
  
Schuldig: Chicken.. Bock...bock..bock.. *flapping arms like a chicken*  
  
Farfello: *imitating Schuldig* Bock...bock...  
  
Tot: He has to be somewhat hairy...  
  
Hell: Hehe.. hairy..  
  
Neu: Cuddily...  
  
Schoen: And cute! Don't forget cute!!  
  
Tot: ^_^  
  
Omi: *now is in full drag (breasts and all) , trying on high-heels* I look like a Spice girl..  
  
Nagi: *in drag (large breasts and all)* I want to be a spice girl..  
  
Omi: Which one?  
  
Nagi: I want to be Drag-queen spice..  
  
Omi: I'll be Bitchy Spice!!  
  
Nagi: Thats a good one..  
  
Yohji: Ox_xO. .. *huge lobed ear-rings on ears, make-up, finger-nails done, and is getting toe-nails done*  
  
Aya: I think I should be an artist..  
  
Ken: Yea, flourist doesn't really push out limits any more..  
  
Farfello: *Break-dancing* Yahoo...  
  
Crawford: I'm not chicken!!!  
  
Schuldig: Bock..bock..  
  
Crawford: Fine i'll do it!!!  
  
Tot: Soft.. Gentle..  
  
Hell: Sweet charming..  
  
Neu: Knows how to listen..  
  
Schoen: Treats her like a woman..  
  
Tot: Warm...  
  
Hell: Sleeps like a baby..  
  
Schoen: Doesn't smell like a human..  
  
Neu: And not female..  
  
Schoen: Yea, literally...  
  
Tot: *twirls umbrella* Always there for me, and has a great smile..  
  
Schoen: Will hold your hand in public..  
  
Neu: Hugs you whenever you want...  
  
Hell: Fuzzy...  
  
Neu: Knows hod to do chores..  
  
Schoen: Smart..  
  
Tot: Does tricks..  
  
Neu: Will not transform..  
  
Hell: Or betray you..  
  
Tot: Thats pretty much it..  
  
Farfello: *running into everything* Haha.. wwwwwwwwwwwweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee....  
  
Tot: *hand to head* What an idiot..  
  
Omi: *stand in front of camera* I am Bitchy Spice!!! *Kicks in the air and fall down* Ouch! My butt..  
  
Nagi: *in front of camera* I am Drag-queen Spice!! Be hold the power of my... aaahahhhhh.. *falls over on top of Omi*  
  
Aya: DONE!!!!  
  
Ken: It's perfect!!!  
  
Yohji: -Ox_xO- Oo--oO  
  
Ken: Awww...  
  
Yohji: *has one women's clothes, make-up, fake ear-rings, toe-nails and finger-nails are green, has fake breasts, and red lip stick* WHAT THE HELL??  
  
Farfello: He looks like a she.. ?!  
  
Ken: Hahaha.. Your genius Aya!  
  
Aya: Another job well done by Weiss!  
  
Yohji: Your all going to die!!!!! *Runs after Aya and Ken who jump across the room* Your all going to die for this... oohh noo... *runs into camera which swings and hits the ground* (-X_X-) O--O -//--------\\-  
  
Aya: Haha...  
  
Ken: Hahaha...  
  
Tot: *swing umbrella at both* YOU RUINED IT!!!  
  
Aya: X_X  
  
Ken: X_X  
  
Farfello: *picks up camera as Schrient is pissed off and all are beating up Omi, Nagi, Aya, Ken, Yohji* Hehe.. this concludes the dating video of Tot..  
  
Crawford: *stands in front of camera and scratches butt* SEE I TOLD YOU I COULD DO IT!!!  
  
Schuldig: Haha...  
  
Crawford: *pulls out gun* You double-crossing bastard!!!!  
  
Farfello: *smiling in front of camera while Crawford hunts down Schuldig* This has been a Farfello: Hurt God Productions, remember, Hurt God!! ^_-  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~4-6 Weeks later~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
**Scene is a nice resturant, Tot is sitting with Perfect Date** Tot: So... Um.. all worked out I guess...  
  
Perfect Date: Mmm..  
  
Tot: Well your everything I asked for..  
  
Perfect Date: *shakes head* ^_^  
  
Tot: I guess you are my perfect date...  
  
Perfect Date: *^_^*  
  
Tot: What do you think?  
  
Perfect Date: *is a monkey wearing a suit and glasses and scratching butt* Ooouuuhhh..ooouuuuhhh... ooouuuuhhh..  
  
Tot: Damn you guys...  
  
Monkey: *reaches for Tot's hand and they both walk out, while people stare* Oouuuhhh...  
  
Tot: ^_^ Least it's not Farfello...  
  
  
  
Next: One Hell of a Night  
  
~Author's Note: I'm sorry about the last line, no offense to Farfello, I luv the "Farfello: Hurt God Production" thing.. Like I said, I can't diss the Farf, gotta love the Farf!!~ ~I'd appreciate all your comments, so Read and Review!!!~ 


	5. Ep. 5: One Hell of a Night: Hell

One Hell of A Night: Hell  
  
***I do not own Weiss Kreuz!!!***  
  
**Hell is sitting down in a secret room, and Schuldig is sitting in a second secret room. The others (Schrient, Weiss, and Schwarz) are all sitting in another private room; it's the set of a huge dating show. In this case, cameras, and the other friends follow the daters and people show up to help them along (as waiters and things like that). And best of all, they have beepers so the others can send them messages on how to act and all that. **  
  
Hell: So who's my hot date?  
  
Host (Ralph the Rat): Well, you'll be going on a date with Schuldig!!!  
  
Hell: NO way????!!!!  
  
The Rat: Yes way..  
  
Hell: Damn-it!  
  
The Rat: You'll be going on a date with.  
  
Schuldig: Let it be a super model. oh please a super model.  
  
The Rat: Hell!!  
  
Schuldig: Did you just swear at me?  
  
The Rat: No your date is Hell..  
  
Schuldig: My date's going to be Hell?  
  
The Rat: Hell!!!!  
  
Schuldig: Hell?? Oh no.  
  
**Everyone is sitting in their special rooms with little beepers and dressed up in out-fits**  
  
Tot: This should be fun.  
  
Farfello: I have to go pee..  
  
Schoen: Well, I wonder what the dates are.  
  
Neu: Ooouuuhhh. maybe a hot tub.  
  
Yohji: This could be dirty.. ^_^  
  
Omi: Hehe.. dirty.  
  
Nagi: Hehe, he said dirty.  
  
Crawford: *dressed as a stripper* Why do I have to wear this?  
  
Aya: But it's so you, Crawford.  
  
Ken: It brings out the color of your eyes..  
  
Crawford: Really?  
  
Yohji: Hahaha.. yea color of something.  
  
Crawford: Go to hell!!!  
  
Omi: Potty mouth.  
  
Persia (on a small TV.): Why am I here?  
  
Manx: Cause sir, you have to..  
  
Persia: I have to what?  
  
Ken: You have to be Karaoke singer!  
  
Crawford: Least it's not a stripper!!!  
  
Manx: He makes a good point..  
  
Farfello: What do I get to do?  
  
Omi and Nagi: *dressed as waiters* You get um..  
  
Crawford: Help the cook!!!  
  
Aya: Help the cook?  
  
Ken: Yea.. he might set the place on fire.  
  
The Rat: He'll be fine.. you guys ready????  
  
Everyone: YEAH!!!!  
  
**Restaurant scene, everyone is taking their places.**  
  
Hell: So . um.. What do you want to talk about?  
  
Schuldig: Tell me about yourself.  
  
Hell: Well I was.  
  
Omi: *Wearing waiter out-fit* What would you like to eat tonight?  
  
Hell: Omi? What the hell are you doing here?  
  
Schuldig: o_O  
  
Nagi: We're your waiters for this evening, what would you like to eat.?  
  
Hell: We don't have any menus!!!  
  
Nagi: Hehe.. ooopppsss.  
  
Schuldig: How are we supposed to order without any menus?  
  
Omi: Well someone has a stick up their butt!!  
  
Schuldig: O_o  
  
Nagi and Omi: We'll go get your menus. *both rush off to kitchen*  
  
~~~~~~~In Kitchen~~~~~~  
  
Crawford: Do I go on yet?  
  
Ken: NO!!!  
  
Farfello: Add a little of this and a little of this..  
  
Cook: That's hot sauce!!!  
  
Farfello: *wearing a chef's hat* More of this.  
  
Cook: OH dear lord.  
  
Aya: 10 bucks says Farfello kills Schuldig.  
  
Yohji: Wouldn't that be a shame.  
  
Aya: Stranger things have happened.  
  
Schoen: Remember that one incident with the old lady.  
  
Ken: Don't remind me.  
  
Tot: Poor Ken-Ken..  
  
Crawford: Now?  
  
Farfello: More of this..  
  
Omi: *rushes in* We need menus people!!!  
  
Neu: *starts throwing menu's at Omi's head* You want a menu, then have some!!!  
  
Nagi: AAAHHH!! *Gets hit on head with menu..* X_X  
  
Omi: Crap, we need another waiter.  
  
**Everyone looks at Crawford**  
  
Crawford: Don't look at me like that.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Restaurant~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Hell: Where the hell are our menus???  
  
Shuldig: O_O  
  
Hell: So what, I'm hungry.  
  
Schuldig: Um.  
  
Hell: Don't make me hurt you..  
  
Schuldig: Yes.. mam.  
  
Omi: I'm back.  
  
Hell: Good for you.  
  
Omi: Wow, sounds like someone has a.  
  
Hell: *raises fist* ^_^  
  
Omi: Sorry mam.  
  
Crawford: What would you like to eat?  
  
Schuldig: O_o Are you wearing a stripper's out-fit?  
  
Hell: Hahaha.. I'll have the.,.  
  
Crawford: Screw you all.  
  
Schuldig: Nice butt, hahaha...  
  
Crawford: Go to hell.  
  
Hell: I'd like the burger, fires.  
  
Schuldig: I'll have..  
  
Hell: I'M NOT DONE YET!!!!  
  
Schuldig: *_*  
  
Hell: The steak, the salad, ..  
  
~~~~~~5 minutes later~~~~~  
  
Hell: And the mashed potatoes..  
  
Schuldig: Damn.  
  
Crawford: What would you like?  
  
Schuldig: I think I'll have the lettuce.  
  
Crawford: Lettuce?  
  
Hell: Trying to keep your figure like me?  
  
Schuldig: O_O Of course..  
  
Crawford: *walks away with Omi, has butt cheeks hanging out of stripper out-fit*  
  
Woman: OH dear LORD!!!  
  
Blind Man: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Kitchen~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Farfello: What do I get to.  
  
Cook: RUIN!!!  
  
Farfello: Your jealous cause I hurt god!!!  
  
Cook: I QUIT!!!!!! *Runs out*  
  
Farfello: *gives peace sign* What do I get to make?  
  
Crawford: I hate you guys.  
  
Omi: *reads off list* .....  
  
Ken: Damn!!!  
  
Aya: All that for Schuldig???  
  
Schoen: I bet it's for Hell, she eats tons.  
  
Omi: All for Hell..  
  
Farfello: *licks 2 knives in his hands* YAHOO!!!!  
  
Neu: Great, I wonder, should we tell them Farfie's making the food?  
  
Yohji: Nah.  
  
Crawford: Oh yea, don't forget a piece of lettuce for Schuldig!  
  
Farfello: WWWWWWWWWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. *food is flying all over*  
  
Nagi: What happened?? ... *gets hit on head with pan* X_x  
  
Tot: Hehe!!  
  
Crawford: Do I still have to wear this?  
  
~~~~~~~~~30 minutes later.~~~~~~Restaurant~~~~~~~~~  
  
Schuldig: So.. what's it like to be a.  
  
Hell: THE FOOD'S HERE!!!  
  
Crawford: *setting down trays with Omi* Here's all your food..  
  
Omi: Smile!!!  
  
Hell: Hehe.. smile. ^_^  
  
Crawford: *~_@  
  
Schuldig: Where's my lettuce????  
  
Crawford: Omi..  
  
Omi: *takes it out of pocket* Here it is!  
  
Schuldig: UGH!!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Kitchen~~~~~~  
  
Farfello: I hope they like my food.  
  
Schoen: Why wouldn't they?  
  
Farfello: *^_^*  
  
Tot: Why are you smiling????  
  
Neu: Uh.. oh..  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~By Karaoke Area~~~~~~~~~  
  
Persia: I don't want to.  
  
Manx: You have it, it's only Karaoke.  
  
Persia: I'd rather be a stripper..  
  
Ken: Yay!!!  
  
Yohji: Do it for the team.  
  
Aya: And think of it this way.  
  
Yohji: If you screw this up for Hell.  
  
Aya: She'll kill you.  
  
Ken: Hahaha..  
  
Persia: @_@  
  
Manx: You got a mic sir?  
  
Persia: *Shown in own home, with Karaoke machine* Yea.  
  
Ken: *grabs a microphone* ME TOO!!!  
  
Manx: Fine.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Restaurant~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Schuldig: How's the meal?  
  
Hell: *wolfing down food* MHMGmgkmgf,h..  
  
Schuldig: ()_()  
  
Hell: mgmnf,mg..  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Karaoke Machine~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Crawford: Do I have to dance??  
  
Ken: DANCE!!!  
  
Manx: Come on!!!!  
  
Omi: DANCE!!!  
  
***Music starts up, and it's 'Love at First Sight' by Kylie Minogue***  
  
Crawford: Everything went from wrong to right!!!!  
  
Omi: It was love.. at first sight.  
  
Ken: We were meant to be.  
  
Persia: *dancing on TV* WWWWEEEEEEEE!!!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~KITCHEN~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Farfello: We ran out of food, but we had these pills, and rats and other junk, and mold..  
  
Schoen: WAIT!!! You did what??  
  
Tot: Isn't Hell eating all this?  
  
Farfello: I have to go pee..  
  
Neu: Let's go save her!!!!  
  
Tot: Do you smell smoke?  
  
Farfello: I really have to go pee.  
  
Neu: Don't move!!!  
  
Farfello: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!! *runs out to the bathroom*  
  
***Smoke is building up and the fire is starting to rise all over..***  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Restaurant~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Neu: Don't eat the.  
  
Tot: The food!!!!!  
  
Hell: Mgmgnfmg.  
  
Schuldig: What a pig.  
  
Tot: *knocks out Schuldig with umbrella* It's poisoned food!!!  
  
Hell: Your just jealous cause I get to eat this all!!!  
  
Schoen: Farfello made it all..  
  
Hell: IT THINK I'M GOING TO BE SICK.... *runs out to the bathroom* Ahh.. finally I can. Farfello??  
  
Farfello: Peeing in the women's bathroom hurts god??  
  
Hell: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!  
  
***Fire is starting to spread to the restaurant***  
  
Crawford: ***shaking butt*** FOR THE FIRST TIME I KNEw.  
  
Persia: Lalalalala. *shaking butt*  
  
Manx: *starts snapping fingers* Cause love was meant to.  
  
Farfello: Aaahhh.. hurt god... (going pee)  
  
Hell: *throwing up outside* Blahh,.;.. Bastard Farfello.  
  
Ken: Shake it!!!  
  
Yohji: Anyone smell smoke?  
  
Aya: SMOKE????  
  
Women and Men: AAAAAAAHHHH THE RESTUARANTS ON FIRE!!!!!!  
  
Omi: Son of a bitch.  
  
Neu: What is it?  
  
Omi: I think we should all run.  
  
Persia: *is dropped by Manx* Run for your life!!!  
  
Manx: Your on your own sir.  
  
Ken: *grabbing the TV* AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!  
  
Farfello: ^_^  
  
Hell: Damn you Farfello.. RHFH MDfmmf..  
  
Nagi: *being dragged by Omi* Cause the first time I knew.. we were meant to..  
  
Schuldig: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SAVE YOURSELF!!!  
  
Schrient: Hurry up!! *all in the car and ready to drive off*  
  
Yohji: *Running with Aya, carrying dirty magazines* We have to save the gold mine!!!  
  
Neu: The gold mine..??  
  
Aya: YEA, We're all save..  
  
Hell: Damn it.  
  
Tot: Let's all check in.. SCHRIENT!!!  
  
Neu: Neu here!  
  
Hell: Hell.. Farfello you're an ass.. blehh.  
  
Schoen: That's disgusting! Oh yea, Schoen here!  
  
Crawford: *still wearing stripper out-fit* Schwarz!  
  
Schuldig: why does Farfello ruin all these dates? Oh yea, Schuldig here..  
  
Crawford: Lettuce boy!  
  
Schuldig: Stripper boy!!!  
  
Crawford: *^_^* You know you want me.  
  
Schuldig: *throws up along side Hell* That's sick!!!  
  
Nagi: *rubbing head with hand* Ouchh.. oh yea, Nagi-kins here.  
  
Omi: *rubbing Nagi's head* This is fun!  
  
Ken: Well Omi's here, me, Ken-Ken is here!  
  
Aya: Aya, still here!  
  
Yohji: Hot stud Yohji is still here!!  
  
Crawford: Well that's everyone..  
  
Hell: AAHHH!!! YOU RUINED MY EVENING!!  
  
Yohji: Where's Farfello???  
  
***Building collapses as firemen hose it down, Farfello is washing his hand and walks out to the car***  
  
Hell: Starting with you!!!!!!  
  
Farfello: Did I hurt god?  
  
Hell: I'm going to do more then that!!! ASS!!!  
  
Omi: Hehe.. ass.  
  
Nagi: She said Ass.  
  
Persia: Let's all Karaoke!!!  
  
Manx: *everyone starts dancing, except for Hell who's chasing Farfello down the street* It was love at first site..  
  
The Rat: Wait, what about my show??  
  
Producer: *whispers something to the Rat*  
  
The Rat: Oh? I'm fired.. You can't fire me..  
  
Producer: *pulls out baseball bat*  
  
The Rat: OH dear.. *starts running, Producer chases the Rat*  
  
Farfello: This has been a "Hurt God Productions"!!  
  
Hell: You can't run from me pee boy!!!!!  
  
Farfello: WWWWWWWWWWWWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! Like me food?  
  
Hell: BLEH!! *throws up food* Damn you to.  
  
Farfello: HHHHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLL!!!  
  
Next: 5 Dates, 5 Drinks: Nagi  
  
Author's Notes: I hope you are enjoying this series, there's plenty more to cover!! Read and Review, tell me what you think, and any ideas on what the other's should go through!!  
  
~Murakumo~ 


End file.
